Stop Writing About Your Problems

“Bleed On The Paper” Is Horrible Advice

When I started writing online, it was pretty common for bloggers and the like to tell you to “Bleed on the paper.” By that, the common wisdom was that if you shared your struggles, vulnerabilities and the “real life” behind the work, that it’d pay dividends in terms of readership and so on.

While I believe the advice came from a good place in terms of intention, well, the road to hell is paved with them; it’s pretty horrible advice.

Why It’s Horrible Advice, Generally

Professionally, I tested this a lot with writing nightmare stories during long form sales letters. They can work as an element of a longer form sales letter or as a piece in a responder/standalone part of a wider story.

However…

There’s very much an art to it, (as in, yes, write about your failings or nightmare stories, but only in a certain way, within a certain context and make sure to only paint yourself in a certain light by making the failings not your fault and/or you easily overcame them immediately.)

But also, you have to get through the part as quickly as possible.

And generally, I found as time went on everything converted just as highly if not better by omitting it entirely.

There are three main reasons that I believe this is the case. I’ll elaborate on those before giving a better solution.

#1: General Energetic Impact

The first general point to make on this subject is that you have to consider the impact of your writing on a person’s general mood. Generally, if you want people to keep reading, then you can write technically and promise to solve all the problems they’ve ever had, however, ultimately what will keep people coming back is the emotional pull response they get from your words.

When you write positive, uplifting and/or informative material, then people’s mood improves, they feel they’re getting a reward for their attention, and they come back.

When you write about a nightmare you experienced or a failing you had, it’s likely that you’ll decrease their mood, maybe make them feel sorry for you, and otherwise believe that you need their help more than they need yours.

That’s not the way, because…

#2: They Want You To Be Their Guide

Practically everyone’s looking for a guide. It’s not always a guide in a literal sense; the figurative mentor who solves their problems.

Sometimes it’s a guide out of melancholy or boredom, sometimes it’s advice on how to clean the filter on their dehumidifier, sometimes you’re an ASMR girl who rubs her hairbrush against the microphone so some guy on YouTube feels like he’s not alone.

(I mean, the above has never been me, but it’s amazing how big that whole thing is.)

In any case, when you don the pen, the sword, or any other mantle of being out there and saying, “this is how I’m creating the future,” you become the guide to the extent any reader or viewer needs you to be.

It’s a noble pursuit, but there’s a British stiff upper lip element to rising to that task.

On the flip side of nobility though…

#3: There Are A LOT Of Crabs in the Internet Bucket

This one needs probably not all that much explaining. People can be mean. A lot of anonymous internet trolls scour the deep dark crevices of the internet looking to cancel and screenshot and generally remind anyone and everyone about the flaws of people they’ve never met.

So, as an example, there’s a guy I follow over on Instagram. He used to be an alcoholic, and has been in recovery for two years or so. There’s a particular troll who, every day since he started his sobriety, has sent him screenshots of when he was drunk one time, another when he was fat, another when he was crying, as well as hateful messages and  pictures of beer and stuff.

Now, it might be that said troll is a person from that guy’s past or someone with a legitimate vendetta… but it’s probably just a troll.

There are a lot out there, and they’ll use your vulnerability as a weapon against you.

It’s sad but true.

I’ve always tried to write about the world as is, because that’s where I can actually help. So what do we do about this?

So What To Do Instead…

The answer I’ve come up with to this problem is threefold:

1. You talk about vulnerability, struggles and so on in a different POV. It’s not “I”, it’s “some people” or even, “maybe you…”
2. You treat whatever publishing presence you have as a positive distillation of whatever you’re trying to accomplish. For instance, you’re not a “formerly obese guy” – you’re a fit guy who lives in the present, not the past. You’re helping the weightier among us by posting your present self
3. Finally, you cull your own material and, to the extent you’re able, you cull the negative press around it

If you’ve come from direct response, social media marketing and so on, (and much less the Ben Settle feed the trolls school of thought,) there’s the tendency to get yourself wrapped up in defining yourself and your brand through problems, us/them thinking and general criticism-and-response-as-content.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

And, it’s probably better that it’s not that way because it’s a trap you fall into. For example, one guy I know – I really like him – but he does this Ben Settle styled email marketing.

He complains about the liberals. He complains about Joe Biden. Sometimes he complains about lazy restaurant waiters and how he can’t ride his bicycle without drivers giving him grief and honestly… it’s just tiresome to read.

I’ve no doubt his readership is stagnant if not falling, and regardless; it could be so much better just if this guy thought to himself, “How am I going to make whoever opens this email feel better for having read it?”

And that, with a little modification, is how you solve this problem:

“How am I going to make whoever reads this feel better for having read it?”

If you can answer that question easily, your writing will be fine.

P.S. This is a message to self, and started life as a private notebook rant about having to write a couple of, “I’ve had a headache” or “it’s not gone so well” posts this week. Flip the issue you’re having on its head, turn it into something useful. I hope it proves the point!