Movies And Stereotypical Business Beasts
I’ve never really watched any of the “big banker Wall Street” type movies. They don’t really interest me.
Sadly I know a lot of the lines from these movies though, because every moron middle management guy who runs to Twitter or Reddit to talk about “what’s good for business” seems to have taken their knowledge exclusively from these films.
You can recognise them in the wild by stuff like:
- “Always be selling!”
- “Take no prisoners when you’re negotiating!”
- “Follow the money”
- “The first rule of business is own everything”
- “If you’re not willing to kill your own child and use their blood to sign a contract, you don’t know business”
That’s in addition to the idiots who think Scarface is a business manual and quoting The Art Of War about their store manager role makes them anything other than a massive dork.
Let’s not rant here… you can recognise these guys immediately.
Is Business About Being a Ruthless Shark?
In the above I forgot to mention stuff like Shark Tank or its UK equivalent Dragon’s Den. Shows like that and The Apprentice give the impression that business is about being some asshole with no time for anything and a ruthless mean streak.
Those shows are TV shows. Entertainment designed for the masses of people who dream of getting one big pay day from an idea and who have no idea what running a business is like.
Here’s the truth about businessmen and evil shark-like business manoeuvres.
They don’t exist in any real capacity and are quickly weeded out.
Now, bear in mind I’m an internet guy who works with a wide cross-section of the business world. Undoubtedly there are reptilian types in Wall Street and Canary Wharf. I’m not claiming experience of them, and if you want to work in the corporate world, then good luck – I can’t help you.
In terms of freelancing, small-to-medium businesses and those with turnover less than the billions… most business owners aren’t arseholes. They can’t be.
The very few that are tend to end up bankrupt, on watchdogs or in prison.
Most that talk the “big talk” aren’t really successful and they’re people you should avoid.
A Good Example
I found this today. Check it out:
There’s a guy asking, “Is this a red flag or are these guys just negotiating hard?”
This is so beyond “red flag” territory it’s unreal.
- Making them drop other clients
- Changing the deliverables
- Changing the payment terms
- Wanting to bypass clauses
- Signing on the dotted line then changing the terms
All of these things are major idiot traits. At the best, the company this guy is working with are made up of bumbling idiots who don’t know what they’re doing. At worst, they are outright scammers looking to deliberately defraud the guy’s company.
Either way, it’s not what you want your business to be working on.
The fact that this guy thinks that breaking promises, ripping out bits of contracts and moving the goal posts whilst trying to pay less instead of more is “hard negotiating” means that we need to discuss what negotiating is.
What Negotiating Is
You, a company, provide a certain service or product. A company – your customer – has a certain need that must be addressed.
The whole point of a negotiation is to see how you can make your service fit their needs, and what it’ll take to do so.
If you are going to the negotiating table trying to screw the person opposite, then congratulations – you’re a moron.
If you find yourself at a negotiating table with someone who is trying to screw you and take you for the most they can get, then either they’re the moron for trying to screw you or you’re the moron for accepting it.
The important thing to note here is that it isn’t a negotiation when either of those scenarios is the case.
Negotiation formula:
How to solve client’s problems weighed against the cost it will take to product the results.
In most cases if you’re a small business or freelancer, this isn’t a complicated process. Most of my work is done through a few emails.
Someone asks me for a quote. I’ll tell them what I can do for them. Then I tell them what it’ll cost and how long it will take. If we’re both happy, we move forward. If amendments need to be made, then we’ll make them.
Should it turn out I can’t provide the solution they’re looking for or they can’t compensate me fairly (or otherwise the terms aren’t right) then I say, “Sorry but I can’t do that, good luck!” and we’re on our separate paths.
Business Isn’t Terrifying And It’s Not About Monsters
I read horror stories all the time, and over the years I’ve had a few of my own. Yet the scariest thing is that a lot of people seem to think that horror stories are the norm.
In 99% of cases, your life should be like I described above. You work with people or you don’t. If you work with people, then you both agree to do what you say and you both honour your pledges.
This is how most business works and the horror stories are just that – outliers that occasionally ruin your day.
There seems to be a proliferation of people who give business advice based on watching movies or write weird promos like they’re a professional wrestler.
“You have to be a selfish dick if you want to succeed in this business.”
Ignore them. For the most part they’re fakers and charlatans, and let’s face it – you don’t want to do business with a person whose tag line is “I’m a dick. Hire me.”
Forget “network hacking.” Being honest and likeable gets you more business.
I’ve written this on Halloween. There’s a misconception that Halloween is a festival about horror stories and evil spirits. In most traditions, Halloween is about commemoration of the dead, the end of the harvest season and ultimately a means of showing gratitude and spreading good favour amongst a community.
Just like Halloween, business is mostly about spreading goodwill in the form of solutions through a community, and works best when you dispel the notion that there everything is about evil monsters.
And just like Halloween, if there’s an evil clown in your business negotiation, it’s probably just an idiot pretending to be scarier than they are. Ignore them and give the fruits of your labour out to friendly people instead.